


Good Thing Gone

by ArturoSavinni



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Reunion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-09-24 10:37:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20357077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArturoSavinni/pseuds/ArturoSavinni
Summary: Oikawa was enjoying his life, worry free. He was the main setter for FC Tokyo. What was there to complain about? Absolutely nothing. At least until the team received word that they were getting a new transfer. Unfortunately for Oikawa, this new transfer was someone he shared a history with. A romantic history. His past was about to punch him in the face and he wasn't ready. What's he supposed to do?





	1. All These Years

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to my new project. I am usually someone who doesn't post a fic unless it's complete, but I decided this time I will post as I finish each chapter.

Oikawa stepped into the gym, the lights came to life the minute his foot crossed the threshold from the locker room. He set his water bottle aside before he headed toward the storage room. He pulled out the ball cart, dragging it out onto the gym floor. Once his stretches were done, he could work on his serves. It was best to keep with his usual routine. This was just another practice.

He grabbed a ball from the cart, getting ready for his first serve. The ball slammed onto the other side, out of bounds. Oikawa huffed, grabbing the next ball. Just another practice. He tried to keep that mantra going. Another ball out of bounds. Random thoughts invaded his mind as he practiced. Well, it was more accurate to say that only _one_ thing was on his mind. The ball hit the net, making him scowl. It’s what was making his serving haywire. He couldn’t properly concentrate on them.

The team’s newest member was coming today. Their coach had been pretty vague about who it was. The only clue he gave the team was that it was someone who had played on the same university team as Kuroo. That was enough of a clue for Oikawa. He knew of only one other professional volleyball player from Kuroo’s university team. It was why Oikawa was so concerned.

His past was about to confront him head on and he had nowhere to escape to. Oikawa shook his head. It would be fine. How many years had it been? No, that didn’t matter. He would be fine. They were professionals. He tossed the ball and jumped.

“Still the first one to arrive I see.”

The ball slammed onto the other side of the net, within bounds. His first since he started. Oikawa’s landing was a little rougher than he intended, causing his shoes to squeal against the floor. His knees nearly buckled, forcing him to grimace. He turned his head.

And there he was, standing at the door, Oikawa’s past.

“Iwa-chan.”

“Hah, wow, I haven’t heard that in ages,” he said.

Oikawa laughed awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. He didn’t know what to say. His mouth opened several times but no words ever came out. What was he supposed to say in this situation? He didn’t know. Finally giving up, he grabbed another ball from the cart. His eyes always drifted back, watching as Iwaizumi did his stretches. _Iwaizumi_. It was strange to even think of him as Iwazumi and not ‘Iwa-chan’.

Iwaizumi grabbed a ball from the cart, unphased by Oikawa’s silence. Did he not feel the tension in the room? It was nearly suffocating him. Oikawa shuffled, wringing his hands together as he attempted to speak. An awkward aborted sound came out. Not enough. Iwaizumi looked at him. Oikawa feigned a cough. Iwaizumi raised his brows but returned to his own warm-ups. Did it have to be so hard? Was the tension really only affecting him? How could Iwaizumi act so normally?

Iwaizumi sighed. He approached Oikawa, making him feel more trapped. Was the gym always this small? When was the rest of the team going to arrive? He hadn’t come that early had he? Surely he had been here for ten minutes already. Someone else should have arrived by now. Oikawa’s brain rattled with too many things at once as panic arose within him.

“Look, there’s no need to be so weird,” Iwaizumi said, his voice a little gruff, cutting Oikawa out of his own mind at once. Was it deeper than before? His hair was definitely a little longer. “If there’s one thing we know how to do, it’s to play on the same team.”

“Ah, yes. Right. Of course.” Oikawa’s eyes swept over Iwaizumi fully, now that he was directly in front of him. His shoulders were broader and his jawline seemed more defined, but honestly Iwaizumi hadn’t changed all that much. Oikawa didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes at him, serving him with the same appraisal. He finally turned away. Oikawa wished he had said something. Anything. Still, the air in the room seemed less heavy, but it was still strange for Oikawa. It was hard to focus. That nagging feeling that everything was wrong wouldn’t leave him alone.

Oikawa’s eyes kept drifting over to Iwaizumi. He wasn’t doing anything unusual anytime that Oikawa happened to glance his way, but he couldn’t stop.

They practiced for awhile without saying another word to one another. Iwaizumi seemed content with the way things were going. However Oikawa gathered up the courage to speak to him all the same. He couldn’t stand the silence.

“Um,” Oikawa started, nearly swallowing the question down as Iwaizumi turned to look at him. “Do you... I mean- if you don’t mind um, well... c-can I set for you?” Totally uncool. He really needed to stop being so ruffled by Iwaizumi’s mere presence.

Iwaizumi blinked. “Sure,” he said slowly.

They both got into position. Iwaizumi jumped into the air. A wave of familiarity washed over Oikawa. Without thinking too much about it, Oikawa tossed the ball up towards Iwaizumi’s awaiting hand. The toss was effortless. It was as simple as breathing air. Iwaizumi’s palm slammed against the ball, sending it crashing onto the other side of the net.

His jump was higher. Oikawa had known that already. Out of curiosity he had watched a couple of Iwaizumi’s games in university. That’s probably why he unconsciously set the ball a little higher. Was everything going to be this easy after all? Why had he been worrying so much? Everything was going to be just fine. Still, he wished someone else would arrive already. The uneasy feeling just wouldn’t leave him alone. He’s sure it would go away once someone else was here with them.

Iwaizumi landed back onto the ground. He turned toward Oikawa, a familiar glint in his eye. Suddenly Oikawa felt as though he was seventeen again. He was back in Miyagi and they were perfectly in sync. Just a setter and his ace. He wanted to reach out for a high five or a fist bump, anything really. His hand had instinctively raised, ready to get that high five.

But Iwaizumi had turned away from him, hurling Oikawa all the way back to the present. It wasn’t like that for them anymore. They weren’t in Miyagi. They were in Tokyo, where everything had ended.

Just as he was beginning to feel properly dejected he realized Iwaizumi had turned around. At last some more of the team had walked into the gym.

Right. The team. Oikawa greeted them, his voice slightly higher than usual. Iwaizumi’s head turned, his eyes searched over Oikawa before he turned back around. Oikawa thought he might have seen a ghost of a smile, but that could have just as easily been his imagination. Iwaizumi had went over to properly introduce himself to the team members that had come in.

Oikawa felt some relief from the rest of the team arriving for practice but he still felt out of sorts. The large pit in his stomach hadn’t completely disappeared. He did his best not to show it. He could do this. Iwaizumi was right.

If there was anything they knew how to do, it was to play on the same team.


	2. Like We Never Loved At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa was doing his best to keep with his usual routine, but Iwaizumi's mere presence had him all out of sorts, no matter what he did.

It had been a couple of weeks since Iwaizumi joined the team. Oikawa was starting to get used to his presence. The knot in his stomach was still there everytime he looked at him, but not as noticeable. He didn’t know why it was taking so long to disappear. Well, he did find that his thoughts were more often than not filled with thoughts of Iwaizumi. But, that was normal. Right?

Still, he and Iwaizumi played just fine together. More than fine actually. Their coach had even complimented them. He was impressed with how well they played together. Oikawa couldn’t deny that. It seemed to be the only thing that still came easily to them.

“It’s like you can read each other's minds. I’ve never seen two players so in sync so quickly before.”

Oikawa had laughed awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Neither he nor Iwaizumi had told anyone that they’d played together before. If Iwaizumi wasn’t going to bring it up, then Oikawa wouldn’t either.

Iwaizumi had just shrugged. “Oikawa’s a good setter.”

Their coach had laughed, clapping Iwaizumi over the shoulder. “Always so straightforward Iwaizumi.”

Oikawa couldn’t deny he was pleased with the compliment, but somehow it still managed to bother him. Perhaps it was the way he said it, almost without feeling. Well, sure he was sincere, but it didn’t exactly hold any weight of their history together behind it.

It shouldn’t have troubled him so much. Things were fine. Sure, he never exactly saw Iwaizumi outside of practice, so they never really had a moment to talk about anything else besides volleyball. Oikawa had tried to ask to see Iwaizumi outside of practice a few times, but he had been turned down.

Normally it wouldn’t have bothered him, but he had seen Iwaizumi leave with Kuroo multiple times. He’d even agreed to hang out with Bokuto and Takada a couple of times. Maybe Oikawa was just coming on too strong. Or Iwaizumi just didn’t want to get any closer to Oikawa than he had to. Oikawa just wished that he would get the chance to actually ask him directly.

Iwaizumi’s laughter cut through Oikawa’s thoughts. He looked over, watching as Iwaizumi and Kuroo pushed the ball carts back into the storage room. Just how close were they? And why couldn’t Iwaizumi look like that with him?

Oikawa frowned. He sauntered over to the pair. “Eh, Kuroo-chan, are you telling dumb jokes again?” Oikawa threw an arm around Kuroo’s shoulder, his smile sickly sweet. What was he doing? He really needed to stop acting without thinking things through.

Iwaizumi’s smile faded slightly, his eyes catching Oikawa’s. “Well, it wasn’t a joke exactly,” Kuroo said.

“Yeah, more like an embarrassing story,” Iwaizumi snickered.

“Hey!”

Iwaizumi clapped Kuroo over the shoulder solemnly. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” Iwaizumi’s fingers just barely brushed against Oikawa’s arm that still had Kuroo in a hold. It sent an odd spark through his body, making his stomach flutter. Intense longing swelled inside of him. Iwaizumi didn’t seem to notice. Instead his hand had slipped away just as easily as it had landed.

“Well gee, thanks great and merciful Iwaizumi-sama,” Kuroo said.

“Uh-huh,” Iwaizumi said, grinning. “Well, I’m gonna head out first.” He nodded at Kuroo, leaving him with Oikawa as he headed toward the locker room.

“So, Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa said, his voice a little higher despite his best efforts, “you and Iwaizumi seem pretty close.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened. He probably noticed Oikawa’s odd tone of voice. Oikawa needed to be more careful. Kuroo was very perceptive. Sometimes a little _too_ perceptive, much to Oikawa’s chagrin.

“Oh, well, you see, since we’re-” Kuroo was cut off as Bokuto had suddenly appeared at their side.

“Hey! Come on, you said you’d come with me.” Bokuto’s arm had knocked Oikawa’s aside.

Kuroo groaned. “Ah, well, actually, you know Oikawa was just-” Kuroo looked at Oikawa, slightly pleading.

“Oh, hey, what do you know, I just remembered I have some other plans,” Oikawa smiled, turning briskly around. “Sorry Kuroo-chan,” he waved. Whatever it was that Bokuto had planned, he didn’t want to be a part of it, nor did he particularly feel like bailing Kuroo out from it, he thought spitefully.

Oikawa stepped into the locker room, heaving a big sigh. He hadn’t noticed that he wasn’t alone. “Ah... Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi looked at him, giving him a cursory smile before he got up, turning to leave.

“Um,” Oikawa stumbled. “Ah, Iwa-ch... Iwaizumi, um.” Oikawa licked his lips. Iwaizumi turned back around.

“What is it?”

“Oh well, I was just wondering... did you maybe want to grab something to eat? With me.”

“Ah, no, sorry,” Iwaizumi said. “I’ve got other plans.”

“Oh... okay.”

Iwaizumi gave Oikawa a half smile before he left the room. Rejected again. What _was_ he doing? He was supposed to be playing it cool. Oikawa groaned, grabbing his bag. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

How could Iwaizumi act so nonchalant?

\--

Oikawa pushed himself out of bed. He stretched out, yawning. His alarm blared on the nightstand next to him. Oikawa grabbed his phone, turning it off. He frowned, walking over to his window and opened the curtain. The sun was only just starting to come out. The city always looked so beautiful with the coming dawn.

Usually he enjoyed the sight, but lately he just felt empty. He shook his head. No, there was no reason for him to feel down. Oikawa sighed. Of course he had a reason. His best friend in the whole world was treating him as though he was a mere acquaintance. There wasn’t anything he could do about it right now. He just needed to continue on with his morning routine.

Once he was done and at the gym, he felt a little better. He was in the middle of a serve when he heard voices, laughter more precisely. A familiar laugh. Really, how could Kuroo laugh like that? It was atrocious. Oikawa couldn’t keep himself from smiling fondly though.

Kuroo wasn’t alone of course. Iwaizumi had walked in with him, nudging his shoulder, smiling even as he feigned annoyance. Oikawa’s mood soured instantly, his smile dropping away. Iwaizumi nearly always came in with Kuroo, not to mention how often they left together. The urge to break up their camaraderie overwhelmed him.

“So lively already, Kuroo-chan? Usually you’re so dull in the mornings.”

“Hey, I’m never dull,” Kuroo grinned, a hand over his chest. “If you can’t appreciate my wonderful personality that’s _your_ problem, Oikawa-_san_.”

Iwaizumi snorted, rolling his eyes. “Wow, you two can compete for the title of most humble.”

“Hey!” Oikawa and Kuroo both shouted, affronted.

Iwaizumi just chuckled as he headed toward the locker room to drop off his bag. Kuroo turned to look at Oikawa and stuck his tongue out at him. Oikawa returned it. When Iwaizumi stepped back out into the gym, they were still making faces at one another.

Oikawa stopped instantly. “Ah,” he coughed. “Um, say Iwaizumi, how about you let me set for you when you’re finished your stretches.”

Iwaizumi glanced at him, in the middle of a stretch. Oikawa had to remind himself not to look so hard. Kuroo was here after all. It was very hard not to though. Iwaizumi had moved into a different position, one that had caused his shirt to rise up a little and exposed the smallest bit of skin.

“Sure,” he said, bending into yet another stretch. Memories of just how flexible Iwaizumi could be swam into focus. Oikawa bit his bottom lip. He wanted to march over there and- No. Absolutely not.

This was too much. He needed to cool his head off. Oikawa smiled at him before he grabbed a ball to serve. He ought to try harder to get things under control. Why was he so affected? Well, he knew why. He chanced another glance, sighing. What was more troubling to him, was how _unaffected_ Iwaizumi was. He acted as though there was never anything between then, that Oikawa was simply just another setter. It seemed as though Iwaizumi preferred to forget the past altogether. Oikawa couldn’t exactly blame him for that. But hadn’t there been good times too?

Oikawa jumped, serving the ball. He felt good about it. At least until Kuroo received the ball on the other side of the net. Oikawa scowled at him.

“Ready if you are Oikawa.”

Oikawa jumped, turning to find Iwaizumi standing next to him. “Oh, yes, of course. I’m absolutely ready.” Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at him. Oikawa just smiled at him. Just act like everything is normal. Oikawa could do that.

If Iwaizumi wanted to forget their past. Oikawa could definitely do that too. That just meant he had the opportunity to start fresh. Right?

Oikawa tossed the ball. Iwaizumi’s hand connected just as effortlessly with it as it always had. Kuroo did his best to receive the ball, but the force was just a little too much for him. The ball had went offside and left his arms red. He shook them out, trying to chase away that familiar sting.

“Did you really need to slam the ball that hard?” Kuroo glared at Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi shrugged. Oikawa could tell he was pleased. “Aren’t you the one who said you need to be prepared to receive every type of ball?”

“Ah, yes, that’s definitely something you’ve said before Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa said, nodding sagely. “You can’t back out now.”

“Feh!” Kuroo grabbed a ball and served it at them. He hit it a little too hard though, so it went out of bounds. Kuroo grumbled even further. Iwaizumi and Oikawa laughed together. Oikawa felt a strong impulse to throw his arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders. In fact, he was nearly about to but promptly aborted the action just in time.

He was saved from any questions as more of the team had decided to trickle into the gym.

Later as practice was nearly finished and everyone was doing their cool downs, Kuroo had settled next to him. Oikawa glanced at him. “Can I help you, Kuroo-chan?”

“Yeah, how come Iwaizumi doesn’t get a dumb nickname or chan attached to his name?”

Iwaizumi who had been a couple paces ahead, had stiffened. Oikawa’s eyes widened. “W-what?”

Kuroo tilted his head. “Well, it’s just that’s it’s been a couple of weeks now, and he’s still just... you know, Iwaizumi.”

“That’s his name, Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa replied primly. He didn’t like where this conversation was headed. Iwaizumi had turned around to fully face them now, frowning.

“Ah!” Kuroo’s exclamation startled Oikawa. “I know, it’s because you’re afraid right? Well, you needn’t worry, Iwaizumi only looks scary. He’s actually very nice,” Kuroo said. “Almost as nice as me in fact.”

“I will break your fingers,” Iwaizumi glared daggers at Kuroo. Oikawa couldn’t help but feel the same.

Kuroo wiggled his fingers at Iwaizumi. “No you won’t,” he replied, looking completely cocksure.

Iwaizumi’s nose wrinkled. He turned away from Kuroo and Oikawa, instead choosing to help clean up the gym some more. Oikawa glanced at Kuroo. “I’m not scared of Iwaizumi,” he said.

Kuroo blinked. “Sure.” He smiled. “You shouldn’t be. He is very nice.”

Oikawa wanted to say that he knew that, but instead he just nodded. An odd lump had formed in his throat. Kuroo really was very close to Iwaizumi. Closer than Oikawa felt comfortable with. Was he Iwaizumi’s closest friend?

He finished the rest of his cool down in silence. Oikawa made his way to the locker room. It wasn’t completely empty, but Iwaizumi was there. He was seated on the bench, changing his shoes. Kuroo was still out in the gym, messing around with Bokuto. Iwaizumi nodded at him. Oikawa thought his saw the ghost of a smile, which made his chest tighten. He wanted to sit right next to him and nudge his shoulder, like he often did before.

Instead Oikawa went to his locker, retrieving his bag. Iwaizumi was still seated, organizing his own bag, but he spoke again.

“Say, Oikawa?”

His chest tightened even further. He could feel butterflies forming in his stomach. “Yes?” Oikawa hoped desperately that his voice sounded normal.

“Do you want to grab something to eat with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration is still running high, so hopefully you will have enjoyed this chapter~


	3. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lunchtime conversation. How much has really changed?

Oikawa kept sending furtive glances at Iwaizumi who walked the same self-assuredness that he remembered. He felt as though his heart was going hammer its way of his chest. His nerves were almost too much to bear but he had to admit he was happy. An invitation shouldn’t have meant so much. Oikawa knew that, but he couldn’t hold back the elated buzz entirely. Iwaizumi hadn’t said anything on their walk. Was he nervous too? Oikawa hoped that was a good thing.

They had reached their destination. A small out of the way place. It was a little busy, but they managed to find a place to sit all the same. With the noise, they didn’t need to worry too much about being overheard. Oikawa had opened his mouth to speak, but Iwaizumi instead punched in his order.

Right. Food. They definitely needed it after practice. Oikawa hadn’t really noticed the hunger pains his stomach was giving him due his nerves.

It didn’t take long for their food to arrive. Oikawa could feel Iwaizumi’s eyes on him as he removed the onions from his plate. He did his best to keep his hand steady. Iwaizumi finally looked away, grabbing his own chopsticks and began to eat.

Oikawa sighed in relief. The lack of conversation prickled his skin. In the past, his and Iwaizumi’s silence was comfortable. Now, Oikawa was overly conscious of it.

“Um, how’re you liking the team so far,” Oikawa asked around a bite.

Iwaizumi blinked, mid-chew himself. “Oh,” he swallowed. “It’s good. The practices are more in line with what I’m used to, so that’s nice. Trefuerza was good too, but it’s going through some changes so I wanted somewhere more stable.”

“Yeah, I heard there was talk about a name change.”

“Mm. I do miss the bigger apartment,” Iwaizumi smiled wryly, “but it’s not like I need the extra space or anything. Somewhere to sleep is good enough.”

Oikawa couldn’t hold back the fond smile. “Always so practical Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi’s eyes pierced straight through him. “Ah, I-I’m sorry, it just-”

Iwaizumi shook his head. “It’s fine.”

The tension had been dissipating and Oikawa had messed it up. They both chose to take a bite of their food. Oikawa’s plate was nearly empty. He chanced a glance at Iwaizumi’s. His was faring the same. Oikawa felt as though his time was nearly up.

“Um, you know I was going to head over to Nittaidai after this, to help out with their practice. Do you maybe... I mean, you can come. If you want.”

Iwaizumi sighed, placing his chopsticks down. “No, thanks for the offer but that is something I wanted to talk to you about.” He drew in a deep breath, looking as though he was preparing himself for a grim task. “Oikawa, I... appreciate your... kindness but it’s. You’re coming on too strong.” Oikawa frowned. It was just a practice with some university kids. Iwaizumi kept going. “Strong might not be the best word, but I wasn’t expecting all these friendly invitations from you.”

Indignant, Oikawa his mouth, but Iwaizumi held up his hand. “No, not like that. You can be nice when you want. I meant I didn’t think you’d want to be friends.” Iwaizumi took in a breath, his eyes kept Oikawa in a hold. He felt oddly trapped in the booth. “With me. It’s been six years, nearly seven since we last spoke to each other.”

Oikawa grimaced. “I know that.”

Iwaizumi was silent for a moment. “If I was a completely new transfer to the team, would you try so hard?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened. “W-well, that’s-,” he sighed, resigned. “No.”

“Right.” Iwaizumi sat back in his chair. “I want you to treat me like one.”

“Wha- I, you mean a stranger?” Iwaizumi nodded. “But we’re not!” Oikawa sat up, his nostrils flaring slightly. “You’re my be-”

“Aren’t we?” Iwaizumi cut him off.

Oikawa opened his mouth to protest, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. What did he really know about Iwaizumi’s life without him in it? Iwaizumi was right. It had been six years and with the way Oikawa had left things, of course Iwaizumi would have expected him to keep his distance.

“Why did you transfer to this team?” It was obvious to Oikawa now. Iwaizumi _was_ bothered by his presence.

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t come to the decision lightly,” he said. “In the end, the pros outweighed the cons and I thought you’d treat me like another player. That’s what I prepared myself for.”

“I see.” A sense hollowness began to grow within Oikawa.

“I’m not saying we can _never_ be friends again but right now, I’d like you to pull back a little. Is that- Is that okay?”

Oikawa wanted to deny his request outright. He wanted to shake him, to tell him that it was nonsense. It wasn’t okay at all. Maybe they hadn’t spoken to one another in nearly seven years, but they’d had fourteen years together before that. Didn’t that count for something? Oikawa smiled. He was certain it was fake. The kind Iwaizumi hated. He didn’t really care. “Of course. Sure, whatever you want Iwaizumi.” The name still felt thick on his tongue. Wrong. Oikawa wanted to leave. He couldn’t stand to be here anymore.

Iwaizumi eyed him carefully. He sighed again. “About my name, I don’t mind if you call me ‘Iwa-chan’.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Oikawa tried to laugh. “Iwaizumi is such a bother to say you know.” His laugh was still coming off as unnatural. He wanted to feel relieved, even pleased about the one small concession he was granted. Instead, he felt as though the world had just been ripped out from under his feet. Somehow, he felt worse. Was he just being thrown a bone out of pity?

Iwaizumi stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He nodded at him. Oikawa couldn’t read his expression. Iwaizumi used to be such an open book to him before. They really were strangers. Had that much time really passed?

“Yeah,” Oikawa said, giving him a small wave. “Mm! At practice. Enjoy the rest of your day Iwa-chan,” he said as cheerily as he could muster.

“You too Oikawa.” Iwaizumi turned to leave. Oikawa watched his back until he was completely out of sight. He sunk back into his seat, his head knocking softly into the plush backing of the booth.

It was only now that Oikawa had realized just how big a chasm he had created between them. How was he ever going to fix it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess a lot has changed. Also, if you're wondering, Oikawa and Iwaizumi parted ways when they were 19. But we'll get to that in a later chapter...


	4. Crawling Back To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, Iwaizumi remained unavoidable.

Oikawa pushed past the crowd. He nearly stumbled over someone’s foot as he headed down the stairs to the subway. His elbows jostled into nearly everyone he passed. Usually he didn’t notice the congestion, but he was tired. Practice had gotten longer now that the season was about to officially start. They were preparing for their first friendly match of the year. He didn’t mind the longer hours or more rigorous training. It helped with his focus.

After his talk with Iwaizumi, they had lost their rhythm for a bit. But with the news of the upcoming match, they had fallen back into step. Perhaps it was because of who they were facing. He was sure the team was suspicious about him and Iwaizumi. Kuroo definitely was. Oikawa wrinkled his nose. They needed to win. That would surely make everyone lose interest.

Well it didn’t matter now. They were back to playing in sync. Of course, they still needed to win.

Oikawa stopped at his gate, waiting for the train. He whistled, rocking on the heels of his feet. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed who was next to him. At least until he turned to look around. His whistle died instantly as his throat went dry.

“Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi looked at him, his expression placid as ever. “Oikawa.”

“How rare to see you alone.” Oikawa looked around. Was he actually alone? “This isn’t your usual train.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m going to help out at a practice with some middle school kids.”

“That seems like something Kuroo-chan would enjoy,” Oikawa said. It had just slipped out. He needed to get better about those sorts of comments.

Iwaizumi turned his head away. “He had a prior engagement.”

“I see.” Oikawa nodded, turning back to face the track. Was the train late? He pulled out his phone, checking the time. No, time was just going slowly. He tucked his phone back into his pocket, letting out a deep exhale.

“Oikawa.”

“Mm?” Oikawa kept his eyes straight ahead. At least, he tried to but he couldn’t help but glance at Iwaizumi.

“Thanks for pulling back.” Iwaizumi’s voice was softer than it usually was. Oikawa was honestly surprised that he managed to hear him over the crowd. He turned to properly look at him, his mouth slightly ajar. “I know it was a lot to ask,” Iwaizumi said, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I appreciate it.” He turned his head, giving Oikawa a small smile.

Oikawa felt as though the air had just been punched out of him. This wasn’t fair. Iwaizumi wasn’t fair. How could he be so sincere?

“Oh, yeah, no problem.” Oikawa did his best to hold his voice back from croaking. That wasn’t true. He’d had a really difficult time holding back. Truthfully, he had been a mess. But. But maybe it had all been worth it. He opened his mouth but the train had chosen that exact moment to pull in.

Iwaizumi stepped onto the train, bustling in with the rest of the throng. Oikawa shook his head, stepping on too. When he got on, Iwaizumi had managed to find a vacant seat. There was one next to him.

“Um, is it okay?” Oikawa nodded his head toward the empty seat.

Iwaizumi shrugged. “Sure.”

Oikawa sat down, his shoulder coming into contact with Iwaizumi’s. His shoulder felt as though it had been seared. He pulled his bag onto his lap, trying to ignore the feeling. Iwaizumi already had his bag on his lap. Iwaizumi pulled a packet of almond fish out of his bag. He always seemed to have a snack. Oikawa needed to be better about that. Perhaps he should stop at the konbini before he went home.

“Do you want some?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened. He nodded, reaching into the packet and grabbing a small handful. Oikawa looked at his hand. Iwaizumi was looking at it too. “You’re thinking the same thing, aren’t you?”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “You mean how everytime I offered you something, you always took almost all of it? Then yeah I am thinking the same thing.”

“It’s Iwa-chan’s fault for offering food to a growing boy,” Oikawa replied primly.

Iwaizumi snorted. “More like a ravenous monster.”

“You know, I should take the rest just for that,” Oikawa huffed, turning his nose up into the air.

“Yeah? And what’s your excuse this time? You’re hardly a growing boy anymore.” Iwaizumi smiled, his amusement bright and clear.

“_Obviously_ it’s because I’m a top notch professional athlete who needs all the nutrients he can get.”

Iwaizumi laughed. His eyes crinkled in the corner and his shoulders no longer held the tension they usually did when he was near Oikawa. He left Oikawa breathless. It had been so long since Iwaizumi had laughed in his presence. Oikawa wanted. He wanted. _No_. Oikawa chased the thought away.

“Here,” Iwaizumi said, passing Oikawa the packet. “I have another one in my bag.”

“Of course you do,” Oikawa said, smirking.

“Shut-up.” Iwaizumi was still smiling.

Oikawa couldn’t chase the thought away. He wanted so desperately to kiss Iwaizumi. To hold him. To. To do anything. Oikawa instead chose to plop a couple of the fish into his mouth. “You know, these aren’t your usual snack.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened slightly. He opened his packet. “Oh, yeah. Actually I usually share them with Kuroo. He’s really big on fish.”

“Especially mackerel,” they both said at the same time, making both of them laugh.

“So,” Oikawa said, taking another bite. “Seems like you and Kuroo-chan got really close while you played together in university.”

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi smiled fondly. Oikawa wanted to wipe it off his face. He hoped his expression didn’t show as much. He really did get along with Kuroo and he certainly liked him, but with Iwaizumi around, it was difficult not to feel vindictive toward him.

Oikawa plopped another handful of almond fish into his mouth, chomping on them. He could feel Iwaizumi looking at him.

“You thinking about tomorrow’s match?”

Right. The match. Oikawa grinded his teeth even more. “Feh! Aren’t you? Why’d the first match have to be against _him_?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Oikawa made a face. “Because we’re gonna crush him!”

Iwaizumi scrunched his nose, shaking his head. His look of exasperation tugging Oikawa back into the past. “He does play on a _team_ you know, it’s not just him.”

“Fine. We’re gonna crush the _panasonic panthers_ tomorrow,” Oikawa said, making sure to say the full team name. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

The train rolled to a stop. “Oh, that’s me,” Iwaizumi said, standing up.

“Eh? Really?” Oikawa stood up as well. “It’s mine too.

They both stepped off the train, pushing through the crowd, heading for the stairs. It was nice to be back above ground. Of course, it was still busy. Iwaizumi turned to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow Oikawa. Try not to think too much about that match, okay?”

Oikawa was about to protest, but instead he sighed. He gave Iwaizumi a curt nod. “Fine.”

Iwaizumi gave him a small wave before he crossed the street. Oikawa watched him until he completely disappeared into the busy horde of everyday Tokyo. He felt lighter. Perhaps everything would be okay. They’d just had their first truly friendly conversation since Iwaizumi joined the team.

Oikawa smiled to himself. His stomach grumbled. Right. A small packet of almond fish wasn’t nearly enough. He’d need to stop by the konbini first. There was Lawson’s across from his apartment. No, it was probably better to go to the grocery store. He needed to eat a healthy meal after all. His cooking was fine, not particularly delicious, but edible.

The diet of an athlete was tough. He sighed. If only he was a teenager again, he could eat all the milk bread he wanted.

Once he reached the grocery store, he wandered around the aisles, unsure of what he wanted. His basket was still empty when it bumped into another, fuller basket.

“Ah, sorry... ehh Kuroo-chan!” He’d know that hair anywhere.

Kuroo turned. “Oikawa, hey.”

Oikawa frowned. “You don’t live around here do you?” He’d never seen Kuroo in this area before.

“No,” he said slowly.

“What happened to your prior engagement?”

“What?” Kuroo tilted his head, confused.

“I... ran into Iwaizumi.” Oikawa glanced down into Kuroo’s basket. “Apple pie? That’s not very healthy Kuroo-chan.”

Kuroo looked down. “Oh, yeah. My family wanted me to come home. I was just picking up a few things on my way.” He chose not to comment on the pie. “So you ran into Iwaizumi? How are you guys by the way?”

Oikawa glanced away. “What do you mean? Was there ever anything wrong?” Oikawa tried to go for amused, but he wasn’t sure it came off that way. Kuroo’s raised eyebrow told him that it did not.

“We’re fine,” Oikawa said, sighing. “Actually, he gave me your packet of almond fish.”

Kuroo placed a hand over his hip. “Really?” His tone dripped with skepticism.

“Mm.”

“Huh. That’s good. You were both acting weird this week.”

“Not any weirder than you, Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa said, sticking his tongue out at Kuroo, who returned it in kind. The other patrons were starting to look at them. They both stopped instantly, remembering where they were.

Kuroo coughed, straightening himself out. “I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow Oikawa. But it is good you two worked things out,” he said, turning as he waved at Oikawa.

Oikawa nodded. “Yeah...” He gave Kuroo a short wave. Oikawa wouldn’t say they worked anything out, but it did feel like they were heading in that direction. He smiled again. For the first time since Iwaizumi had joined the team, he wasn’t Oikawa’s main concern. Iwaizumi had so fully overwhelmed his thoughts, he barely had room for anything else.

Now however he could focus purely on tomorrow’s match. He was definitely going to win. That wasn’t right. _They_ were going to win.


	5. Someone You Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at the past, from Iwaizumi's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, at last we have Iwaizumi's POV, and the first of two flashback chapters.

Iwaizumi sighed, collapsing onto his bed. He needed to shower but he didn’t think he could move now that he’d laid down. His lashes fluttered as he struggled to keep his eyes open. The long day had caught up to him. His entire body was leaden. It made him groan each time he shifted his position.

His eyes settled over the picture on his nightstand. Oikawa’s bright smiling face swam into focus despite him not being alone within the photo. It had been their graduation from Kitagawa-Daiichi. Oikawa had his arm swung around Iwaizumi’s shoulder, knocking their heads together. Iwaizumi had been scowling just a moment before. Their parents were on either side of them, his father and Oikawa’s mother. Oikawa’s brother had taken the picture.

_“Hajime-kun, it’s time to smile,” Takeo said, waving his hand to get Iwaizumi’s attention._

_Iwaizumi wrinkled his nose, but turned to face Takeo and smiled properly. Oikawa was holding back laughter. Iwaizumi stomped on his foot. It was miraculous that he managed to still come out smiling for the photo._

_Once the picture was taken, Oikawa had dragged him by the arm, insisting they take one last look at everything in the school. It didn’t matter if they had actually spent time there or not. Iwaizumi didn’t have any desire to say ‘good-bye’ to anything. He wasn’t someone who held that kind of sentiment, but he’d gotten used to moving to Oikawa’s pace a long time ago._

_“Oikawa, come on. I think we’ve been everywhere already. Let’s go back.” Iwaizumi came to a halt, forcing Oikawa to stumble. He stood his ground. He’d had enough of this. They had better things to do._

_When he turned around, Oikawa was pouting. It shifted into amusement. Suspicion arose within Iwaizumi. That expression never led to anything good._

_Oikawa stepped toward him. Iwaizumi couldn’t hold back the urge to move away. He eyed Oikawa warily, waiting. Oikawa’s hand reached out and brushed over the top of Iwaizumi’s head. He felt his face go hot at once. “You’re filled with sakura petals Iwa-chan.” Oikawa’s smile was gentle, almost fond. The kind of smile that had became rarer over their years together. A sharp pang rang through Iwaizumi’s chest. “Iwa-chan, are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”_

_Iwaizumi huffed, pulling away. “I’m fine,” he mumbled._

_That wasn’t true. He wasn’t okay. A horrific epiphany had chosen to strike him just then. He was in love with Oikawa Tooru._

Iwaizumi frowned, grabbing the picture off the stand. He’d been so afraid then. He hadn’t known what he was going to do. In the end he’d tried his best to kill the feelings, to deny them outright. It didn’t matter what he did though. His feelings only grew until he couldn’t do anything but accept them.

It was more accurate to say that they simply burst out of him.

_He’d had a lot to focus on in high school, with volleyball and classes but it was never enough. Oikawa simply overwhelmed him. He couldn’t escape him. There was only one thing left for Iwaizumi to do. He’d have to tell his best friend how he felt about him. Maybe then he could move on._

_During the short break between the end of their second year and the beginning of their third year of high school, Iwaizumi bit the bullet. It hadn’t exactly been planned, but Iwaizumi wasn’t like Oikawa. He more often than not did things by feeling rather than thinking them through._

_They were at the park near Oikawa’s house. It was where they had always went as children. They’d hunted bugs for hours, until Oikawa fell in love with volleyball so completely that it consumed him and he dragged Iwaizumi along with him. He wouldn’t say it was somewhere particularly special to them, but the park did hold many fond memories. Perhaps it was fitting that Iwaizumi’s feelings spilled out of him here._

_Oikawa was absently tossing a ball above his head. Iwaizumi sat on a nearby boulder, watching him. The spring sun shone down on him. He almost glowed. Iwaizumi had never seen anything so beautiful. He never understood how someone could look so effervescent. Especially someone with such shitty personality like Oikawa. He sighed, defeated._

_“Hey, Oikawa.”_

_“Mm?” Oikawa continued to toss the ball, his head thrown back, looking completely at ease._

_“I love you.”_

_The ball hit Oikawa squarely in the face, leaving him with a big red mark. His mouth was ajar and his eyes wide. “Ehh? Iwa-chan, what did you say?” He looked like a large eyed fish out of water. Somehow he still made Iwaizumi’s heart ache with want._

_“I said I love you,” Iwaizumi repeated, standing up. “Not as a friend, I mean that I am love with you,” he finished, leaving no room for any mistakes._

Iwaizumi ran his thumb across the photo, grazing over Oikawa’s face. He’d never expected for things to work out for him. Miraculously, they had. Oikawa returned his feelings. Their time together had been nothing like he’d ever experienced before.

It was like one long wonderful dream. Mostly. If Iwaizumi was honest, he was always waiting for it to end, for Oikawa to tell him that he was done with him. When the end did come, Iwaizumi was expecting it. He never could shake the feeling that he wasn’t enough. Oikawa was someone who sought greatness, glory, and everything that came with it. He was driven by ambition. Iwaizumi couldn’t say he held the same thirst. Not really.

_The weeks leading up to their split to an outsider might have appeared completely normal. They’d still made time to see each other, despite being busy with their own respective universities, their own teams and their own friends._

_Oikawa still had moments of tenderness, but they’d felt different from before. Iwaizumi wasn’t sure if it was all in his head or if Oikawa really was pulling away._

_Eventually Iwaizumi couldn’t deny the distance growing between them. Oikawa seemed to get further and further away from him by the day until he felt completely out of grasp. His behaviour grew stranger by the day. Iwaizumi was scared to confront him about it. He wanted as much time as he could have with Oikawa. It was the one thing he’d felt true greed over. He wasn’t ready to burst the bubble on their bliss quite yet._

_“Hey,” Iwaizumi said, reading through one of his sports magazines, “is your team going to be having a training camp during golden week?”_

_Oikawa had been watching a game on his laptop. His head rested over his knees and his eyes wide, he reminded Iwaizumi of an owl. “Yeah we are,” he replied, absently, not bothering to look at Iwaizumi, completely absorbed in the game._

_“Will you have any free time?”_

_Oikawa somehow stiffened more so, like he wasn’t even breathing anymore. He took a moment to reply. “No, I don’t think so.”_

_A lie. Iwaizumi furrowed his brows. “...Okay.”_

_Oikawa finally turned to look at him, but Iwaizumi’s gaze was back in his book. He could feel the guilt radiating off of him. “It’s just... we’re going to be practicing with Waseda you know?” Iwaizumi nodded, turning a page. Had this been how Oikawa’s girlfriends had felt before, pushed aside and less important? “Iwa-chan.” Oikawa hesitated for a moment. “I’m sure I’ll have time after though.”_

_Iwaizumi looked up from his book. He gave Oikawa a small smile. “Sure.” Oikawa unfurled himself, leaning forward to kiss Iwaizumi. His hands settled over Iwaizumi’s, holding them tightly._

_“I promise, alright?” Oikawa said, resting his forehead against Iwaizumi’s._

_Iwaizumi nodded. Oikawa kissed him again, soft and tender. Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself from melting into it. He pulled him closer, closer, closer, until they were wrapped so thoroughly around one another that it appeared as if they were melded together. They’d fallen into bed easily, writhing and desperate. Neither able to apart until they were left breathless and bare. The sense that this was the last time hung heavy in the air._

_Golden week came and went. Oikawa was unable to keep his promise. He’d gotten too busy. At least, that’s what he told Iwaizumi. He still managed to send him messages each day, but they’d gotten shorter each time. It shouldn’t have mattered. Iwaizumi’s own messages were often short. He preferred to speak in person._

_A month passed before they were able to meet face to face. Oikawa had insisted they go for a walk in the park. Iwaizumi didn’t think that was a very smart idea._

_“It’s the rainy season.”_

_Oikawa shrugged, tugging him along. “Come on Iwa-chan, it’ll be fine. A little rain won’t hurt.”_

_“But it’s never just ‘a little rain’.” Iwaizumi sighed, but went along with him anyway._

_The park admittedly was pretty nice. There had been rain. Everything was glistening with raindrops, but they had been blessed with a break from the torrent for their walk. They’d shared idle chatter, nothing exciting or important. Their shoulders brushed together occasionally. Each time Oikawa would move away like he’d been burned. A wave of spite arose within Iwaizumi. He’d wanted to grab Oikawa’s hand, just to see what he’d do._

_A large drop of water had fallen off a leaf up above and landed on his cheek. “Gah,” Iwaizumi blinked, taken aback. Oikawa laughed beside him. “Shut-up dumbass.” Iwaizumi glared at him._

_Oikawa still snickered, but he reached out to wipe the drop off of Iwaizumi’s face. “There you go Iwa-chan.” Oikawa’s hand lingered for a moment, before he seemed to remember where he was. His hand dropped away, seared but reluctant. Confliction was clear on his face. Iwaizumi didn’t know what he could do._

_They continued on with their stroll. When they’d run out of updates to share, they walked in silence. Iwaizumi looked around the park, watching as some kids ran by, a volleyball in hand. He smiled at the sight. He’d remembered when he felt unburdened by life. It seemed like such a long time ago._

_Oikawa had stopped walking. Iwaizumi turned around to face him. “Oikawa?”_

_Oikawa’s expression was resolute, serious and nothing like Iwaizumi had seen before. “Iwa-chan, we need to talk.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we will have Oikawa's flashback chapter.


	6. When I Was Your Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's reflection of the past.

“Ne, Iwa-chan?”

“What?” Iwaizumi was sprawled out over his bed, playing a game on his phone. He was laying on his stomach, his feet idly kicking in the air, a deep furrow between his brows as he concentrated. Oikawa couldn’t understand how he could be so adorable.

“Ah, I forgot.”

Iwaizumi’s nose wrinkled slightly and he rolled his eyes. Oikawa wanted to kiss him. He leaned forward, doing just that.

“If you wanted a kiss, you could’ve just said.”

“But Iwa-chan is cuter this way,” Oikawa said, his voice sugar sweet. Iwaizumi frowned at him and pushed him away. “Geh! Iwa-chan!” His voice was muffled as Iwaizumi’s hand was over his mouth. Oikawa huffed, grabbing Iwaizumi’s wrist, his hand gently sliding up until he grasped Iwaizumi’s fingers in his. He kissed the top of his hand. Iwaizumi’s ears started to turn pink. Oikawa clambered onto the bed. In his haste he hit his shin. “Ouch!” Iwaizumi laughed at him. “Iwa-chan, don’t laugh!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Iwaizumi said, smirking with amusement still clear in his voice. He clasped his hands around Oikawa’s face. “Should I kiss it better?”

“You definitely should,” Oikawa replied, making sure to pout properly.

Iwaizumi was still smiling as he pulled Oikawa in for a kiss. The throb in Oikawa’s shin seemed to vanish, like a vacant thought that he couldn’t remember anymore. He sighed happily, his limbs slowly turning to jelly the longer their lips remained enraptured.

This had to be what paradise was like.

\--

The thought of breaking up with Iwaizumi had never crossed Oikawa’s mind before. In fact it was probably the furthest thing from his mind. He’d been perfectly content with the way things were going. More than content actually.

He had the best boyfriend in the world. His university life was going great and there was already talk of moving him to first string on the team. Right. The team. Volleyball.

That’s how things became so sticky. A promising middle blocker from Chuo, who’d been lined up to join the premier v-league right away, no lower divisions necessary, and for the panthers no less had just had his offers ripped away from him. Rumours had spread like wildfire about him. There were murmurs of seeing him in Nichome, which eventually blew up into others saying he’d been spotted entering a love hotel with another man. Oikawa didn’t know if any of that was true, but it had been enough. The player’s offer was rescinded.

Dread began to seep its way into Oikawa’s every thought. Just mere rumours were enough to end this guy’s career, what would that mean for him? Oikawa actually had a boyfriend. A wonderful boyfriend, but a boyfriend nonetheless. The thought of losing everything he’d worked so hard for frightened him immensely.

But could he actually give up Iwaizumi? His precious _Iwa-chan_.

It ate at him for weeks. He was certain Iwaizumi knew something was wrong. Iwaizumi always knew when something was wrong. Strangely however he never asked Oikawa about it. Oikawa sometimes wished that he did. Maybe then they could work it out together.

As it was, Oikawa was left to fester on his own. There was no helping it. If he wanted to play professionally, he was going to have to end his relationship with Iwaizumi. Oikawa didn’t know if he could actually go through with it. For as long as he could remember, Iwaizumi had always been by his side. Could their friendship survive a break-up? Could Oikawa?

There was only one way to find out.

While Oikawa knew what he had to do, he never was able to bite the bullet. He’d always hesitate at the last minute. It was counter-productive. But. But he loved Iwaizumi. Every time he saw Iwaizumi, his resolve would crumble. Then of course, once he was back practicing volleyball or watching a game, it would build right back up again.

Near the beginning of June of their second year of university, after a month of excuses, Oikawa had finally met with Iwaizumi. The sight of him did him no favors. He truly didn’t make things easy for Oikawa. Could he really let him go?

No, this wasn’t a question. He absolutely had to.

Oikawa drew himself up, steady and calm. He could do this. “Iwa-chan, we need to talk,” he said, voice deadly serious.

Iwaizumi tilted his head, eyeing Oikawa carefully. He nodded. “Okay, let’s go somewhere else,” Iwaizumi said, gesturing for Oikawa to follow him. They found somewhere more secluded within the park. Iwaizumi turned to him. “What did you want to talk about?”

Oikawa licked his lips. “Ah, yes.” He took a steadying breath. “I just.” The sunlight snuck its way through the large thicket that had shrouded them and danced softly across Iwaizumi’s waiting face. He was really unfair. “I just... I don’t think this working anymore,” Oikawa said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Us, I mean.” Iwaizumi crossed his arms, surveying Oikawa. “U-um, well I just, we’re so busy, you know? And... and I’m going to be moving onto first string next week. I want- I need to focus on volleyball. It’s... well you see-”

“Is this about that guy from Chuo?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened. “Oh, um you heard about that?”

“Pretty sure everyone who plays volleyball has heard about it by now.”

“R-right,” Oikawa gave him a wobbly laugh. “Well, that’s, I mean it’s not ah...”

Iwaizumi sighed, unfurling his arms and instead stuck his hands into his pockets. He looked up overhead. Oikawa thought he could see the flecks of green in his eyes, even from here. How can one person leave him so entranced? Iwaizumi’s eyes closed. He was pained. Oikawa wanted to reach out to him, to chase it away, to say he was being stupid. Instead he held his breath and waited.

“It’s alright,” Iwaizumi said, his voice shaky. He tilted his head back down, looking properly at Oikawa. A sad smile sat upon his face. “I get it.”

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa took a step forward. He wanted so badly to touch Iwaizumi, but somehow, he’d just given up that right.

“Really, it’s fine Tooru,” Iwaizumi said. It had been so long since Iwaizumi had called him that. Oikawa’s hard won resolve nearly disintegrated. “I want you to achieve your dream too. I know you’ve worked harder than anyone.”

“Iwa-chan’s too understanding,” Oikawa said, his voice watery.

Iwaizumi huffed out an amused breath. “Yeah, I guess so.” He just looked so. So. Sad. Worst of all, it was Oikawa’s fault.

“S-since Iwa-chan, you understand, I... hope you can also understand that I’m going to need some distance. I. I need time before- before I can see you again.”

Iwaizumi looked as though the world had just been torn out from under him. Perhaps it had. Oikawa wanted to take it back. “I-Iwa-chan.” He took a step toward Iwaizumi, reaching out to him.

He shook his head, holding up his hand to Oikawa, motioning for him to stop. “No. It’s. I do get it. Uh. Hah. Really,” he said, but tears were beginning to form in his eyes.

Oikawa took another step forward, unable to hold himself back. He brushed his hand across Iwaizumi’s cheek, caressing it. “Iwa-chan.” He looked at Oikawa, appearing just as anguished as Oikawa felt.

“Y-you should leave,” he said quietly.

“I know,” Oikawa said, resting his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry Iwa-chan. I’ll. I’ll contact you when I’m ready, okay?”

Iwaizumi nodded, his hand coming up to rest over Oikawa’s for a moment before he pulled away. Emptiness bled through Oikawa but he tore himself away from Iwaizumi, from his best friend in the whole world. He took one last look at Iwaizumi, who was remaining strong. It was probably for Oikawa’s sake. He was always reliable. Oikawa turned around and walked away, his footsteps heavy, heavy, _heavy_, all the way until he managed to get out of the park. Once there, he did the only thing left to him. He ran all the way back to his apartment.

\--

Weeks turned into months and Oikawa still hadn’t contacted Iwaizumi. It was excruciating. Oikawa wanted nothing more than to run back to him. He wanted to tell him it was a mistake, that he wanted him back, that he needed him. Whenever he became overwhelmed with such thoughts, Oikawa threw himself into volleyball.

Still, the thoughts lingered within him. He couldn’t escape them completely. However instead of contacting Iwaizumi, Oikawa would check on him. It was always a mistake. Seeing Iwaizumi only ever made him want him more.

It hurt more so when it appeared as though Iwaizumi was getting along just fine without him. He was doing well on his team. It looked like he got along with teammates. Well, that wasn’t surprising. Teammates always found themselves drawn to Iwaizumi. It was something that often annoyed Oikawa. First because he was always competitive and hated to lose, even in admiration, but later, it was because he wanted Iwaizumi all to himself.

Occasionally Iwaizumi would show up on his social media. It felt like a punch in the gut every time. Iwaizumi himself was never very active on it, but he’d often be tagged in things. The photos were the worst, especially ones where he was smiling. Oikawa wanted to be the one making him smile.

He needed to be stronger; he was only hurting himself. The sooner he could get over Iwaizumi, the sooner he could actually see him again without feeling so desperate. It was time to get serious about his choice. He needed to stop checking on Iwaizumi. It was clear that he was doing fine.

Oikawa could do this.

\--

A few more months had passed. The months had turned into a year. Oikawa finally felt as though he was moving on. He hadn’t thought of Iwaizumi for awhile now. Perhaps it would be okay to reach out to him. He should have contacted him, even just a small ‘hey’.

Something always held him back though. He couldn’t rid himself of the feeling that he was only fooling himself, that he was simply in denial. Oikawa was terrified that if he got close to Iwaizumi, he’d be right back where he was before.

However, before Oikawa could contact Iwaizumi, he’d beat him to the punch. It started with a simple message.

Iwa-chan: Oikawa?  
Sorry for the msg but i really need to talk to you

Fright rung through Oikawa at once. He couldn’t bring himself to respond. Despite all his deliberation, in the end he deleted the message. It would be fine. But. But it had to have been important. Iwaizumi had respected his space thus far. Oikawa grabbed his phone. No. He couldn’t do it.

He would just leave his phone at home. It would fine. He could go to practice. Which was what he did. When he returned there were a couple more text messages waiting for him, but more concerning was that he’d now had a voicemail. Oikawa gripped his phone tightly. He listened to it, wishing that he hadn’t. It had been so long since he’d heard Iwaizumi’s voice.

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi started, his voice strained, weary, “can you call me back please? It-It’s really important. I... need. I could use my best friend right now.” Iwaizumi’s voice was full of distress, like he was on the verge of tears. “_Please_.”

Oikawa was halfway through inputting Iwaizumi’s number when he stopped. _He couldn’t do it_. Maybe he ought to try tomorrow.

He didn’t try the next day. There wasn’t a message or voicemail left for him. Had Iwaizumi given up? Oikawa felt a sense of relief. It didn’t stop him from looking at his phone. He sat on his bed, leaning against the wall staring obsessively at his screen. His phone rang while he was burning a hole into it. The sound had startled him so much that he nearly tossed it on the floor.

It wasn’t Iwaizumi calling.

“Hello,” Oikawa said.

“Tooru,” his mother sighed into the phone. She sounded disheartened, _sad_. “Have you heard about Hajime’s father?”

“Uh...”

“Right, of course you must have!” She continued, not waiting for Oikawa to reply. “It’s really awful and so sudden too. I just can’t fathom what poor Hajime’s going through.”

“Um. Ah- actually, Mom, I-... Iwa-chan and I haven’t-”

“What? Tooru, surely Hajime must have told you,” his mother said, exasperated. Oikawa’s stomach sank. He couldn’t tell her.

“O-oh. Um. Right. Yes. Of course.”

She didn’t seem to notice his half-hearted responses. Perhaps she was too distraught. The only family Iwaizumi had was his father, if something had happened to him, of course she would be upset. He was certain his mother cared for Iwaizumi just as much as her own children.

“You’re going to come back with him aren’t you? To Sendai?”

“Er... what? Ah, Mom I don’t know I’m... It’s just I’m really busy right now.”

“Tooru,” she said, appalled that his answer wasn’t immediately yes. “You can’t possibly let him travel back all alone. Are you really going to let him deal with this on his own? Haven’t you said he’s your best friend! You’ve known him since you were _five_, for goodness sake.”

“A-ah, oh, mom,” Oikawa mumbled, harried, “look I- I gotta go, um I’m being-”

“W-what? Tooru!”

Oikawa hung up on his mother. He tossed his phone away, out of sight. What was he doing? His mother was right. He should phone Iwaizumi. But he didn’t feel strong enough. Could he handle being around such an emotionally vulnerable Iwaizumi?

A large pit settled into his stomach. He knew the answer. _No_. He could not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we return to the present.


	7. But We Lost It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Oikawa feels like he's making progress, he stumbles upon an obstacle. But is it the sort of obstacle he thinks it is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, please enjoy the short cameo~

Oikawa began his stretches. It was game day. While he was still the first to arrive, he didn’t have time to do much of anything. More of the team had trickled in at a steady pace, all wanting to arrive before their opponents arrived. Oikawa’s gaze drifted towards the doors when Iwaizumi came in. He couldn’t help it. His eyes were truly trained to find Iwaizumi. Even now.

Iwaizumi wasn’t alone of course. He’d came in with Kuroo. Iwaizumi’s eyes met his for a moment. Oikawa felt time stop. It was just he and Iwaizumi, the world all to themselves. Everything became muted, nothing distracting him from Iwaizumi. The moment snapped when Bokuto bounded into the room. He’d launched himself at Iwaizumi at once. Right. This wasn’t the past. There were other people here and time never actually stopped for anyone, especially not him.

Kuroo sidled up next to him. Oikawa turned to look at him. “Can’t stay away Kuroo-chan?”

“Something like that,” Kuroo said, grinning. His hair looked especially ridiculous today. “So, we’re playing against your national’s buddy today huh?”

Oikawa scowled. “He is not my buddy!”

“But he’s from Miyagi too, yeah?”

“Kuroo-chan, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t remind me of such unpleasant things,” Oikawa said, haughty and sticking his nose up in the air.

“Unfortunately that’s an ingrained trait for Kuroo,” Iwaizumi said, stepping up behind Kuroo.

“You wound me Iwaizumi,” Kuroo replied, placing a hand over his chest dramatically. “Ah!” Oikawa and Iwaizumi both jumped at his sudden exclamation. “But Iwaizumi, you’re from Miyagi too. Then you must know- Oh...”

Iwaizumi frowned. Oikawa ignored Kuroo. His attention had drifted back to the doors. He couldn’t keep the glower off his face. The panthers had arrived. Thus, so did the person he liked least in the world and due to some unfortunate misdeed he must have done in a past life, he was now punished with being teammates on the national team with said enemy.

Ushijima locked eyes with Oikawa. He nodded at him. Oikawa turned away. “Hmph!” Iwaizumi snickered beside him. “Quiet Iwa-chan.”

Forever unable to read the mood, Ushijima came up to them, uninvited. “Oikawa,” he said, before glancing at the spot next to him. “Iwaizumi.” Ushijima eyed them for a moment. “So you two are playing together again.”

Oikawa could feel his team staring at them. Kuroo’s eyes had widened, shock momentarily written over his features before his expression settled back into something neutral.

“How nice of you to state the obvious as usual Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa replied, false sweetness in his voice.

Ushijima frowned at him for a moment before he turned to Iwaizumi. He held out his hand. To Oikawa’s immense horror, Iwaizumi grasped it, shaking his hand. “It’s good to see you again Iwaizumi.”

“Uh, yeah...” Iwaizumi said slowly. Ushijima nodded. He turned and walked away.

Oikawa’s mouth dropped open before he rounded on Iwaizumi at once. “Iwa-chan! When did you and Ushiwaka-chan get on good terms? No! A better question is_ why_?”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “We aren’t.”

“Then what was all that?” Oikawa couldn’t keep the hiss out of his voice, gesturing wildly.

“I don’t know,” Iwaizumi said, unconcerned. “Why don’t you ask him yourself. You see him more than me.”

Before Oikawa could reply, Kuroo cut in. “Are we just going to ignore the bombshell he just dropped? You two have played together before?”

“Kuroo-chan should stay out of things that don’t concern him!” There were more pressing matters at hand besides the team’s revelation. It seemed Iwaizumi didn’t agree. He glared at Oikawa who had the good sense to look sheepish. “Ah... um...”

Iwaizumi sighed. He turned to look at Kuroo. “Yeah, we were on the same team all the way till high school. Oikawa’s the reason I got into volleyball,” he said, his voice lacking any sort of inflection. He was just stating a fact.

Kuroo’s eyes had widened considerably this time though. He looked at both of them. It was clear he obviously had more questions. However Iwaizumi was done with the conversation and went to help with the court set up. Kuroo watched him leave. He turned to Oikawa, his expression unreadable. The unpleasant feeling that he was being surveyed completely prickled at Oikawa’s skin. It was unnerving but it seemed to Oikawa that Kuroo had reached some kind of epiphany.

“Something wrong Kuroo-chan?”

Kuroo remained silent for a moment. His eyes piercing straight through Oikawa, like he was stalking his prey. It made Oikawa nervous, but he stared back at him, unwilling to back down. Kuroo finally glanced away, his gaze falling on Iwaizumi’s back. “I hope not,” he said, at last breaking the silence.

What on Earth did he mean by that? Oikawa bristled, ready to air his grievances. A whistle blew, jolting him out of it. Right. It was time for the match.

\--

They had won the game. It wasn’t without a fight of course, but luckily Bokuto was having a very good day. When he was on, he was near unstoppable. It made Oikawa’s job much easier. Bokuto’s energy also helped to boost the general team morale. Everyone tended to play better.

Well almost everyone. Iwaizumi didn’t appear to be affected by Bokuto at all. That wasn’t to say he didn’t play well. Iwaizumi was always very reliable. Honestly, Oikawa couldn’t recall a time where he’d had an off game. It was kind of unfair. But his energy had been very different from the rest of the team. Somehow he seemed disconnected from them. Perhaps it was because he was new to the team and hadn’t yet been pulled into Bokuto’s chaotic orbit. Or maybe it’s because Iwaizumi was a very straightforward person by nature and was very rarely swept into other’s whims.

No, that wasn’t quite true. Oikawa had managed to drag him along to plenty of things he’d very much detested. It was never without complaint, but he’d went along with him in the end. But. But wasn’t that because Iwaizumi trusted him implicitly?

Oikawa frowned. Trust. _Trusted_. No, their gameplay hadn’t suffered at all. That couldn’t be it. Iwaizumi still managed to be where he needed him to be and vice versa. Still something niggled at him. He hated to even give the thought any credence, but this was their first match played together in years. _Eight years_. They’d played well, just like they did in their practices, but Oikawa couldn’t deny that something felt different. He couldn’t say that they were partners on the court. Not like before. Was it always going to be like this?

He sighed heavily. There was no point in obsessing over it. They had won after all. _Everything was fine_. He headed to the locker rooms. Everyone else was probably gone by now. He just needed to have a nice long shower to clear his mind.

The locker room was not empty. Oikawa heard voices when he stepped inside. They hadn’t stopped talking when he entered. His presence went unnoticed by the lone occupants. Their backs were faced away from the door and they were deep in conversation.

Oikawa was tempted to retreat back into the gym, but it was Iwaizumi and Kuroo. Something compelled him to stay.

“So, he’s the one right? You can tell me Iwaizumi,” Kuroo said, leaning into Iwaizumi’s space, much to his apparent displeasure.

“I told you to drop it Kuroo,” Iwaizumi said, levelling Kuroo with a warning stare that would have made a lesser man quail at once.

Kuroo however seemed unaffected and kept pushing. “How can I possibly drop it? This is kinda big. I mean, how can I when he’s the who-”

“Kuroo,” Iwaizumi growled, standing up. “I said I don’t want to talk about it. Especially not here.”

Standing up too, Kuroo scoffed. “Oh come on, there’s no one around. Everyone’s left already,” Kuroo said, reasonable. Oikawa shuffled back slightly, not wanting to be seen. “Don’t shut me out now, Iwaizumi,” he said, his voice growing more serious. “I was there! I know how much he hurt you. I- gkk.”

Iwaizumi had whacked Kuroo in the stomach, forcing him to fold in on himself slightly. He was still wincing as he straightened himself out. Oikawa’s chest tightened considerably. He definitely shouldn’t have been standing there listening but he couldn’t move. It had been a suspicion at first, but it was clear now. They were talking about him.

“Ah,” Kuroo said, grimacing while he approached Iwaizumi. “I had forgotten how hard you could hit. But if you think that’s enough to deter me from this-”

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi’s shoulders were starting to shake. That was generally a bad sign; the point where Oikawa would back off. “You keep talking, don’t think I won’t tell your grandmother about Kyoto.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened in alarm. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me,” Iwaizumi snarled, grabbing his bag and spun around heading for the exit.

“A-ah, wait,” Kuroo called, realising he had needled Iwaizumi too much. He caught Iwaizumi’s wrist, holding him back. “Hajime,” he said, voice softer. Oikawa slumped against the wall. _His first name_. He really shouldn’t be listening. Kuroo continued, not letting him go. “I’m sorry.” His head softly fell against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “Please don’t tell my grandma.”

Iwaizumi huffed out an amused breath. “Figures that’s what you’re worried about.”

Kuroo smiled, lifting his head from Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “You know that isn’t true,” he said, knocking his forehead gently against Iwaizumi’s. “You know why.”

A small smile escaped Iwaizumi, his gaze softening. He didn’t look as dangerous. “I know,” he said and sighed. “I know. I just,” he averted his eyes, “I don’t want to talk about it here, okay?”

Kuroo nodded. “Alright.” He went back to grab his bag before he left the locker room with Iwaizumi.

Oikawa felt just as empty as the locker room looked. Iwaizumi seemed to get further and further away from him. He’d found someone else. That much was apparent to him. Oikawa didn’t know why it surprised him so much. It shouldn’t have bothered him at all.

But it did.


	8. Two Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa finally manages to meet with Iwaizumi outside of team duties thanks to some familiar faces. However, it's becoming more apparent that this Iwaizumi is different from the one he remembers.

Oikawa served the ball onto the other side of the net. It slammed into the floor, the sound reverberating against it. Always such a satisfying feeling. Their season had been going really well thus far.

He served another ball. Once more it went exactly where he wanted it to. He smiled. They would be travelling for their next match. It was two days away. If practice was any indication, he’s sure that match would go well too. He picked up another ball and jumped into the air. When he landed it was with pure satisfaction.

“Your serves have really been on lately,” Iwaizumi said, walking into the gym.

Oikawa looked over at him. He was alone. How strange. “Iwa-chan, how rare for you to arrive alone.”

Iwaizumi furrowed his brows. “You mean Kuroo?” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s not like we’re attached at the hip or anything.”

Could’ve fooled him. Definitely strange. Oikawa picked up another ball. Iwaizumi had brought his bag to the locker room. When he got back into the gym, Oikawa’s service game was still on point.

Iwaizumi joined him in practicing serves. It was still extremely difficult for Oikawa not to be overly conscious of him. More so if they ever happened to be alone. He was lucky that it was such a rare occurrence. Oikawa snuck a furtive glance at him. Well it would be better to say that he tried. Iwaizumi caught him.

“What is it?”

“Um, you know...” Oikawa sighed. “Ah, see-”

He was unable to finish as some of the team had chosen that moment to come in. Iwaizumi was still looking at him, expectant. Oikawa shrugged. “Don’t mind Iwa-chan,” he said, blowing him off. It was pointless anyway.

Oikawa was going to invite him out to dinner. He was going to meet with Hanamaki and Matsukawa tonight as they were in town but he still doubted whether that would be enough for Iwaizumi to spend time with Oikawa outside of practices and matches. Honestly, Oikawa didn’t know if Iwaizumi even kept in contact with anyone from Miyagi.

In the end he couldn’t build up the nerve to ask him. Practice ended and they went their separate ways. He went home to relax for a little while, browsing on his phone. His phone pinged. A message from Hanamaki. It seemed they were ready to meet.

He got up and changed into something more suitable. They were already waiting for him down on the street.

“Makki, Mattsun,” Oikawa grinned, waving at them.

“Hmm,” Matsukawa eyed Oikawa for a moment before he glanced at Hanamaki. “You’re right, he does look older. Very ragged.” Hanamaki nodded sagely.

Oikawa’s face fell instantly. “Hey!”

They both laughed, stepping up beside him. Oikawa griped at them a little more before they settled into casual conversation. They were in the midst of deciding on where to eat when Hanamaki came to a stop.

“Makki?”

Hanamaki tilted his head and turned around. Matsukawa and Oikawa followed suit. Stepping out of a shop behind them was Iwaizumi. Oikawa felt tense at once.

“Hey, Iwaizumi!” Hanamaki called out to him, waving for him to come over.

Iwaizumi glanced at him, his eyes next finding Matsukawa’s and then Oikawa’s. “Ah, hey,” he said, walking over to them.

“Somehow, you look the same,” Matsukawa said, making Iwaizumi raise an eyebrow at him.

“W-what?”

“Oh that’s true,” Hanamaki said, “not at all like Oikawa.” Iwaizumi glanced at Oikawa, looking confused. “Have you eaten yet?”

“I-wha... um no?” Iwaizumi said, frowning, taken aback by the sudden question. “I was actually just going to eat.”

“Perfect,” Matsukawa said, “you can come with us.”

“Yeah,” Hanamaki said, “we haven’t seen you in ages.”

“O-oh, uh, well actually I’m not-”

“Alone,” Kuroo said, suddenly appearing seemingly out of nowhere. “I was looking for you,” he said, looking slightly displeased. His gaze fell momentarily on the others, which made his expression shift into one of mild curiosity.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and sighed. “Guys, this is Kuroo,” he said, nodding toward him. “And Kuroo, this Hanamaki and Matsukawa. They’re teammates from high school.”

“Oh,” Kuroo said, looking at the pair. “So you guys played with Iwaizumi and Oikawa huh?” He grinned mischievously. “You must have all sorts of dirt on them.”

Matsukawa and Hanamaki matched his grin. “You know,” said Hanamaki, “I get the feeling we’re going to get along.”

Oikawa and Iwaizumi groaned simultaneously.

“Yes,” Matsukawa agreed. “Would you like to come to dinner with us too?”

“I’d love to,” Kuroo said, bowing slightly. Oikawa squinted at him. Did he really need to be so dramatic?

Iwaizumi frowned. “What about Kenma? Weren’t you picking something up for him?”

“Ah, well,” Kuroo shrugged. “Somehow I don’t think he will care very much right now. I mean, he’s currently got his own visitor from Miyagi after all.”

Oikawa eyed Kuroo curiously. Just how many people from Miyagi did Kuroo know? Iwaizumi chuckled. “Right, that was today wasn’t it...”

Hanamaki swung his arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “Well, seems like there’s no issues,” he said, pulling him along. “Let’s go, I’m completely famished. Plus, I want to see if you can still call yourself the arm wrestling champion.”

\--

Once their food orders were in and they were all seated around the long table, sitting on their separate cushions, Hanamaki placed his elbow on the table. Iwaizumi tilted his head. “You were serious?” He shook his head, smirking slightly. “Alright.”

“Earlier, you said Iwaizumi was arm wrestling champion.” Kuroo leaned forward, watching as the pair clasped their hands together. Matsukawa counted them down. “Is that true?”

“Three!” Matsukawa glanced across the table at Kuroo. “You mean you’ve never seen him do this before?” Kuroo shook his head. Matsukawa looked at Iwaizumi.

“What?” Iwaizumi clenched his jaw, trying to focus on his impromptu match. “People change,” he said, slamming Hanamaki’s hand onto the table a moment later.

“Gah!” Hanamaki huffed. “Damn.”

Matsukawa smiled wryly. “Not that much, I guess.” He patted Hanamaki on the back. “Guess you’ll have to try to beat him at something else Hanamaki. Though that might be impossible.”

“Hey, nothing’s impossible,” Hanamaki said, affronted. “Besides, I was distracted!” He put his elbow on the table again, motioning for Iwaizumi to give him a rematch. Iwaizumi sighed, but got into position again.

“Are you a masochist Makki?” Oikawa grinned.

“Hush.”

Kuroo counted the pair down this time. Oikawa watched with amusement. It had been so long since he’d watched Iwaizumi arm wrestle. While his form was the same, his demeanor was different. Before, Iwaizumi used to relish in the competition. He never backed down from a challenge and when he won it would be with a shout or smug grin, his energy bordering on arrogant.

Now, it was more like resigned confidence. He was simply indulging Hanamaki. There was obviously still a part of him that refused to lose as he hadn’t just let Hanamaki win. Oikawa watched him intently. He wanted to know more about this Iwaizumi, who seemed very far out of reach to him.

Just as Hanamaki was in the midst of giving his all and was actually pushing Iwaizumi’s hand back, Iwaizumi looked as though he’d seen a ghost. Oikawa frowned. Kuroo seemed to have noticed it too. Oikawa tilted his head, concerned. However he didn’t have much time to think on it. In a flash Iwaizumi slammed Hanamaki’s hand onto the table once more, gaining yet another victory.

Hanamaki shook his hand, glaring at Iwaizumi who just shrugged. “Guess you’re still 100 years too early, huh?” Iwaizumi smirked. He leaned back, holding himself up with his arms. Something still seemed off to Oikawa, but whatever it was, he was hiding it well.

“Least you can say you tried,” Matsukawa said, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice. Hanamaki scowled at him. “So how long’s it been since you arm wrestled Iwaizumi?”

“What? Oh, huh... I don’t really remember,” he said, leaning forward slightly to grab his drink and taking a large swig. “Probably was actually our last match?” He laughed. “No one’s ever challenged me and it’s not like I’m gonna go outta my way to seek an opponent or anything.”

Hanamaki groaned, hiding his head in arms. “That makes me more depressed.”

“There, there Makki,” Oikawa said, reaching over to pat Hanamaki on the head. “Guess there’s just no beating a master.”

Hanamaki lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at Oikawa. “Is that so? Then how about _you_ challenge him?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened. “Eh? No thanks” he said, “unlike you, I happen to need my hands.”

“Coward,” Hanamaki taunted.

“You can stop trying to goad him,” Iwaizumi said, having shifted back into his lazy recline. His legs were now only haphazardly crossed. “It’s never going to happen.”

Everyone turned to look at Iwaizumi, who seemed unaware of how controversial his proclamation was. Oikawa’s brows knit together. He opened his mouth to respond but before he could get a word out, their food had arrived.

Their conversation had shifted away from arm wrestling. Instead idle chatter of volleyball and relationships sprung up. Oikawa didn’t mind the volleyball talk but relationships seemed like too dangerous a territory for a topic. Of course, it had only came up because some fans had chosen to approach their table.

“U-um, sorry for interrupting your dinner,” said the boldest girl from the group, doing her best to keep her nerve. The others waited outside the room, unsure and huddled together. “B-but, I-Iwaizumi-san, w-would it be okay to get a picture?”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa watched with keen interest. Kuroo seemed unphased and had continued eating.

“Oh, ah, sure,” Iwaizumi said, standing up. He glanced at them, while he stepped out into the hall. His eyes fell on one of their bags. “You’re from Inazawa?”

The girls nodded. A nervous looking girl spoke next, her face flushed completely red. “W-we were disappointed w-when we heard you were t-transferring from Trefuerza.”

“Ah, is that so?” Iwaizumi got into position, taking a picture with all of the girls. Once they were done, he turned to them, smiling kindly. “Well, I do hope you will still consider supporting me.”

“Y-yes! Not at all,” the girls nodded their heads, shuffling back. They turned around giggling amongst themselves.

Iwaizumi sat back down, landing heavily on his cushion. Matsukawa and Hanamaki looked at him, then at each other. “Hm, this seemed like an oddly familiar situation, don’t you think,” Hanamaki asked.

“Yeah,” Matsukawa nodded, “but something was different,” he finished. They both turned to look at Oikawa. “Wasn’t it the wrong person?”

Hanamaki nodded. “I believe it was.”

Kuroo tilted his head. “You mean Oikawa? His fans are generally more er... _loud_ aren’t they?” He turned to Iwaizumi, who nodded. “Though, I suppose it’s possible your fans only seem meek because they’re intimidated by your scary face...” He tapped his chin thoughtfully.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “As opposed to yours, who think you’re cool only until you open your mouth?”

“Hey!” Kuroo objected, sitting up straighter. Oikawa couldn’t keep himself from snickering.

“Huh, guess that makes things easier now, eh Iwaizumi?” Matsukawa cut in.

Iwaizumi turned to him. “Makes what easier?”

“Dating.”

“Oh, ah... I guess?” Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck.

“You’re not seeing anyone now?” Hanamaki asked next.

“I’m not,” Iwaizumi said, frowning. Oikawa blinked, unable to stop himself from looking at Kuroo.

“Wasn’t your last relationship two years ago,” Kuroo said, leaning his elbow on the table to rest his head in his hand.

“At least,” Iwaizumi said, glancing at him. He turned his attention back to Hanamaki and Matsukawa. “To be honest I just haven’t had much time lately. I’ve not stayed in one place for longer than a year for awhile now.”

“Ah, right,” Matsukawa said, “before Inazawa you played in Tsukuba and... Nishinomiya was it?”

Iwaizumi nodded. “Yeah, the Blitz were my first team out of university, so I didn’t play too long for them before Tsukuba. But then I moved up to the premier league, so...”

“Is it the same for you Kuroo? Life of a pro seems tough,” Hanamaki said, turning his attention to Kuroo.

Kuroo shook his head. “Nah, ever since I moved to Tokyo as a kid I haven’t left,” he laughed. “All my teams have thankfully been here. Which has been a blessing, you could say. So unlike Iwaizumi, I do have a lover.”

Oikawa frowned. That didn’t make sense. Wasn’t he with Iwaizumi? Why did they have different answers. He grew more confused. Iwaizumi hadn’t made any objection to the matter. If they truly weren’t romantically involved... then what exactly was their relationship? Or was this simply their cover? Perhaps he _had_ been wrong before.

“Uh, excuse me,” Iwaizumi said, pushing himself up from the table. He gestured toward to restrooms. The others nodded and he left the table. Oikawa watched him from the corner of his eye. While he headed in that general direction, Oikawa had the suspicion that he hadn’t gone to the restrooms at all.

“You know, I gotta go too,” he said, laughing. He was sure Kuroo was watching him, but he didn’t care.

Oikawa stepped out into the hall and looked around. He paused at the restrooms before he continued on. Instead he stepped outside. His suspicion was correct. Iwaizumi was just off to the side, leaning against the wall. “Iwa-chan,” he said, stepping up beside him. “Are you okay?”

Iwaizumi glanced at him. He sighed. “Yeah,” he tilted his head up, looking up at the sky. “I just needed some air.” He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath.

“Right,” Oikawa nodded, his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. “Iwa-chan?”

“Mm?”

“Are they.... They’re the first people you’ve seen from Miyagi since... in awhile, aren’t they?”

Iwaizumi opened his eyes, his gaze flashing at Oikawa. He nodded. “Yeah,” he said heavily.

Oikawa’s eyebrows knit together. What could he say? These days, he really had no idea what went through Iwaizumi’s mind. It used to be so easy. Iwaizumi was always straightforward and transparent, but now... now he was completely closed off. Especially to Oikawa.

He worried at his bottom lip some more as he looked at Iwaizumi whose eyes had closed again. Oikawa sighed and nudged his shoulder with his own. Iwaizumi opened his eyes. “I can tell them you aren’t feeling well and you’ve gone home?”

Iwaizumi blinked, then he chuckled softly. “Thanks,” he said, still smiling. The sincerity that Oikawa remembered was still there, making his heart throb painfully in his chest. How could someone be so genuine? “It’s alright,” Iwaizumi continued, “I appreciate it though. I really did just need some air.”

His eyes met with Oikawa’s. The urge to reach out, to hold his hand, to hold _him_, overwhelmed Oikawa. He wanted so desperately to comfort Iwaizumi in some way. Anything. He glanced down at their hands. It was right there. Their hands were already nearly touching. He could easily link their pinky fingers together. But. But it wasn’t his place anymore. There was no doubt in his mind that would cause Iwaizumi more stress than comfort.

Iwaizumi pushed himself off from the wall before Oikawa could think of something to do. “Come on,” he said, turning to look at Oikawa. “Earlier, it sounded like those guys wanted to play volleyball with us, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially I did have this chapter ending differently and we would have one other cameo, from Kenma's guest lol. But well... perhaps another time.


	9. Best of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi's mind wrings itself into a tumultuous prison. Its only reprieve ensnares him even further. Does he give in or keep fighting it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we get a look into what Iwaizumi is feeling. I initially didn't plan for his first POV chapter until a few chapters later... but well... that's writing for you.

Iwaizumi trudged into his apartment, kicking off his shoes, not caring where they went. He slumped against the door and sighed. It had been such a long day. He was exhausted. His bed seemed far away despite his small apartment.

With a heavy grunt he pushed himself off the door and headed toward his room. The distance was short, but he dragged his feet the whole way. There was his bed, waiting for him. He’d never seen anything so inviting. With a couple quick strides he collapsed into it. He burrowed his head further into his pillow. Iwaizumi had busier days before, but he didn’t recall ever being so bone weary after. He groaned.

It had been nice to see Matsukawa and Hanamaki. He couldn’t deny that. But being around them, being around them with Oikawa reminded him of everything he’d left behind. Everything he’d lost.

Longing for a past that could never return was fruitless. He knew that. But tonight, for the first time in years, it almost felt like it was within his grasp. Iwaizumi turned his head, looking at his hand that laid next to him on the pillow. He closed it into a fist. This was stupid. He shouldn’t have been thinking about impossible things.

What he needed was to close his eyes and sleep. His lashes fluttered for a moment, until everything was washed away by the darkness. Slumber had thankfully pulled him under, freeing him from his thoughts.

Unfortunately it hadn’t been so kind as to free him from the past. Iwaizumi shifted on his bed, a grimace spreading across his lips. No. Not now.

_“Dad, I want another match!”_

_“Hajime, I am trying to work,” his dad said, though his lips twitched, betraying his amusement. He turned to look at his son. A mistake._

_“Come on, please,” Iwaizumi pressed against his dad, eyes wide and imploring. His dad sighed. He’d won._

_“Oh fine. But only once more.”_

_Iwaizumi nodded, quickly lying down on his stomach. The tatami mats scratched against him but he didn’t mind. He placed his elbow against the floor, his hand already waiting in the air. His dad shook his head, getting down onto the floor after him._

_“Now, you’re sure this is what you want?” His father clasped his hand with his son’s. Iwaizumi nodded his head, serious and determined. “Very well. Remember what I taught you.”_

_On the count of three their match began. Iwaizumi pushed as hard as he could against his dad’s hand. His tongue stuck out as he struggled to move his opponent even an inch. “Nnn gah...” He scrunched up his face. What did his dad say? It wasn’t about strength; it was about leverage. He just- he just needed the right position. Iwaizumi grunted, his arm finding its desired position._

_His eyes widened as he started to push his father’s hand back. He grew excited, his feet kicking behind him. At last, after what seemed like an eternity, Iwaizumi had slammed his dad’s hand to the floor. “I did it!” He jumped up, his face alight with victory._

_“So you did,” his father said, sitting up and smiling fondly._

_“I beat you!” Iwaizumi laughed, giddy as he bounced with jubilance. He launched himself at his father, who caught him easily._

_“Yes, my pride is greatly wounded,” his father said, voice tinged with mock seriousness. “I think it is time to enact my revenge.” He grinned mischievously. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. But he was too late. His father had already ensnared him into his tickle trap. Iwaizumi squealed with laughter, trying to squirm out of his father’s hold._

_“N-no! Daaad!”_

_His father chuckled, finally relenting. However he didn’t let him go. He was still smiling when he leaned back to take a good look at his son. “You’re on your way to becoming a proper arm wrestling champion.”_

_Iwaizumi grinned. “You really think so?”_

_“I know so,” his father said, kissing Iwaizumi on the nose._

Iwaizumi groaned, his eyes snapping open. The vestiges of his dreams still clouding his mind like a heavy fog. He sat up. It was still dark. He should probably try to sleep some more, but an uncomfortable feeling began to bubble under his skin.

The grief he thought he’d thought he’d liberated himself from clung onto him, tugging him down back into the abyss. He was suffocating. It was too much. He dragged his hands over his face, trying to will himself to be okay. It was times like these that Iwaizumi longed for him, for the person who knew him best in the whole world, who had always known what he needed to get him out of his own head.

_Oikawa_.

Iwaizumi scowled. He detested the feeling. Irritation started to build within him. He pushed himself off his bed. Maybe he would feel better after a shower.

The shower had released some of the tension from his body, but Iwaizumi still felt wide awake. His mind did not want to give him a reprieve. He sighed, staring up at his ceiling. This was pointless. He wasn’t going to fall back asleep.

He pushed himself up off the bed. Perhaps he should just go to practice early. At least he could keep himself busy. With his mind made up, he got dressed and headed to the gym. He decided to jog there. It was still dark. The streets were quiet, mostly just weary looking salarymen were around.

Once at the gym, he decided he’d practice his serves. He thought it would be enough to keep his mind occupied. It wasn’t. His vexation hadn’t lessened at all. In fact it only seemed to have heightened. He scowled, slamming the ball onto the other side of the net.

_Why_? Why did he feel this way?

“Tch,” he served another ball. It ricocheted off the wall, nearly colliding into the person he was doing his best not to think about.

“Gah! I-Iwa-chan?” Oikawa blinked owlishly at him. “You’re here early...”

Iwaizumi glanced at him. He grunted, picking up another ball. Oikawa’s eyes stayed on him, making his skin prickle uncomfortably. He clenched his jaw. Closing his eyes, he drew in a deep breath and served another ball. It slammed harshly into the floor. His own landing wasn’t at all graceful. He had to keep himself from stumbling.

Oikawa approached him tentatively. “Iwa-chan, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Iwaizumi couldn’t keep the irritation out of his voice. Oikawa frowned at him.

“Yes, it really looks like it,” Oikawa replied sardonically. “How long have you been here?”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “I don’t know, what time is it?” He grabbed another ball, not waiting for the answer.

“It’s almost 6:30,” Oikawa said, taking another step toward him.

That gave Iwaizumi pause. Shit. “6:30?”

Oikawa nodded. “You’ve been here awhile haven’t you? Maybe you should take a break. You don’t want to overwork yourself...”

Iwaizumi glared at Oikawa. That was rich coming from him. No. No, he was being unreasonable. Oikawa was right. Iwaizumi sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I guess.” He moved to go take a seat on the floor and leaned against the wall.

Oikawa sat beside him. Iwaizumi wished that he hadn’t. He hated feeling so irrational. Which only proved to worsen his mood. His head gave a dull thunk against the wall. “Do you always come this early?” Iwaizumi turned to Oikawa, breaking the momentary silence. He was certain Oikawa was on the verge of asking him more questions.

“Oh, um, well... actually,” Oikawa rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish, “This is a bit later than I usually come, but... well I slept in, you could say. I’m surprised you didn’t do the same.”

“Hn,” Iwaizumi stared out at the gym. “I did fall asleep as soon as I got home.” He clenched his hand into a fist. “But... I woke up and I couldn’t get back to sleep. In the end I gave up trying to fall back asleep; so I just decided to come to the gym early.”

He could feel Oikawa analyzing him. It only irritated him more. Honestly, he wanted to throw a volleyball at him, just to get his stupid face out of his mind. Oikawa reached out and placed a hand over his shoulder. In an instant, warmth spread throughout Iwaizumi. Tears of frustration threatened to fall. He clenched his eyes closed. Why? How could he still make Iwaizumi feel better? It wasn’t fair.

Oikawa was a stupid shitty bastard. A complete dumbass. He didn’t have the right. Oikawa squeezed his shoulder. He was. He was. _He was his best friend_. Resignation filled Iwaizumi. Who was the real idiot here?

Iwaizumi sighed and opened his eyes, giving Oikawa a small, grateful smile.

Oikawa’s hand slid away, leaving Iwaizumi feeling slightly empty. “You know Iwa-chan, it’ll still be awhile before the others come, maybe you can try and get some more sleep?”

Iwaizumi tilted his head. “Ah,” he frowned, unsure if he wanted to sleep. His body definitely needed it. It would be the responsible thing to do. He sighed. “Yeah, I guess.” He drew up his knees to his chest, using them as table so he could pillow his head in his arms. Oikawa smiled at him before he got up.

He watched Oikawa for awhile, practicing his serves, until his eyelids grew heavy and he drifted back into sleep. For a moment he thought there was a hand running through his hair. It felt nice, but surely it was some sort of phantom dream.

Why was his heart so traitorous?


	10. Backsliding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa does his best to push his re-emerging feelings back down into the pit where they belong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been awhile since the last update. Along with really having to work to get the words out, I've been busy and was even away for a few days. But... here.

Oikawa glanced behind him. Iwaizumi was still curled up sleeping. When did he arrive at the gym? He frowned, walking toward him. It was nearing the time that the first bit of the team would start to arrive. He’s sure Iwaizumi wouldn’t like to be seen sleeping but he’d looked so exhausted earlier. Oikawa didn’t really want to wake him up. He hesitated for a moment.

Sighing, he reached out, shaking Iwaizumi’s shoulder gently. “Iwa-chan,” he called softly.

Iwaizumi began to stir at once. Oikawa furrowed his brows. Had he really been sleeping? In Oikawa’s experience, Iwaizumi was generally a heavy sleeper. He thought he was going to have to be more persistent.

Oikawa took a step back, unsure of what to do. Iwaizumi rubbed at his eyes, yawning. He rolled his shoulders before he leaned back against the wall. His eyes met Oikawa’s.

“What?”

“Ah,” Oikawa blinked, taken aback. “No... it’s nothing.” He smiled, pressing his fingers together. “It’s just... did you sleep?”

Iwaizumi frowned at him. “Why?”

“W-well... before... you know, it used to take a lot more to wake you up.”

Iwaizumi opened his mouth then closed it again. A deep crease formed between his brows before he sighed, pushing himself up. “Yeah, I guess.”

Oikawa wished he would stop holding back. He had the sense that Iwaizumi was sparing his feelings, even now. While Iwaizumi was very blunt by nature and if Oikawa really needed some sense knocked into him, there was no doubt Iwaizumi would deliver, but he’d also did best not to purposely hurt Oikawa’s feelings.

He didn’t know how he felt about this development. Was it a good thing? Did that mean that Iwaizumi still held some affection toward him? While Oikawa did find that particular thought pleasing, he also got the sense it might have been better if Iwaizumi actually said what was really on his mind.

But Oikawa was afraid of pushing him. He didn’t know if his pride could actually take it. Oikawa smiled at him, before he turned around and grabbed a ball. He was such a coward.

Thankfully he was saved from dwelling too much by more people arriving. Bokuto had came in with Kuroo.

“Hey, you could’ve told me you left early,” Kuroo said, hand on his hip as he looked at Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Ah, sorry, I didn’t realise I was supposed to tell you my every waking moment,” he said, smiling lopsidedly, but his tone was a little sharper than usual.

“Well, of course you do,” Kuroo replied breezily, “I’m clearly your master.”

“Ehh? Isn’t it the other way around?” Bokuto slung his arm over Kuroo’s shoulder, pulling him down slightly. “Pretty sure Iwaizumi can break you in half, Kuroo.”

Iwaizumi laughed. “It’s okay Bokuto, we shouldn’t rob people of their dreams.”

Bokuto grinned. “I guess that’s true. Then,” Bokuto turned to look at Kuroo, his expression serious, “Kuroo, I support you.” Kuroo scowled at him.

“Hm, Bokkun has the right idea,” Oikawa said, joining in. “I support you too Kuroo-chan.”

Kuroo glared at him, before he turned to glare at Bokuto and Iwaizumi. “You’re all the worst.”

“No worse than you Kuroo-chan.”

“You attract what you are,” Iwaizumi said, not missing a beat.

Everyone laughed, even Kuroo though he huffed out a resigned breath first. Iwaizumi turned back around, still smiling. For a moment it was like he was smiling at Oikawa. His heart skipped a beat.

“Hey, toss for me,” Iwaizumi said, walking toward him.

“Eh? Ah, yes!” Oikawa stood up straighter, giving Iwaizumi a salute. _Where did that come from?_ He hadn’t expected Iwaizumi to say something to him. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, but said nothing more. Oikawa laughed awkwardly, but grabbed a ball.

They practiced together until the rest of the team arrived. It was truly a strange morning but perhaps some of the ice surrounding Iwaizumi was starting to melt. Oikawa tried to remind himself that he shouldn’t get too hopeful, but it was difficult. Especially when his eyes caught Iwaizumi’s. It was as though a million words passed between them each time.

Hopefully he wasn’t being delusional.

\--

The team’s first away game had arrived. Oikawa waited anxiously by the bus. He wasn’t alone thankfully, but besides the usual morning greetings, no one was speaking. Perhaps they were too tired or nervous.

He rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet, whistling idly. A tall lanky figure approached flanked by a broader figure. Oikawa couldn’t keep the smile from his face. He waved at the pair.

Kuroo breezily stepped up beside him. Iwaizumi nodded at him. He looked adorably sleepy. It was almost too much for Oikawa. Iwaizumi rubbed at his eyes, yawning. He turned to look at the bus, inspecting it. In the dark and the dim lighting, there was only the barest glimmer blue.

“Something wrong Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi shook his head. “No, I was just thinking this is nicer than my last team’s bus.”

“That was a bit of a disaster wasn’t it?” Kuroo eyed the bus speculatively, his eyes falling on the team’s logo. “I definitely felt a lot of pity for you at times.”

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “But it was supposed to be getting fixed for the next season. I imagine it’s running much smoother now. It might even look better than this one...”

“But that doesn’t matter,” Oikawa said, tilting his head. “Since this is your bus now.” He didn’t know why he felt compelled to state that fact, but it had just slipped out. Oikawa looked at the bus and then back at Iwaizumi.

“I suppose that’s true.” A smile tugged at Iwaizumi’s lips.

They continued with their gainless chatter while they waited for the rest of the team to arrive. Once everyone was accounted for, they trudged onto the bus. The plush red seats never looked so inviting. Iwaizumi had sat with Kuroo, who had taken the window seat at once. Oikawa took a seat across the aisle from them.

He watched the scenery for awhile, almost drifting off to sleep as they left the city. The buildings got progressively smaller and the lights less artificial. While the sun was up, it was still dark from heavy cloud cover. Oikawa suspected it was going to rain. He rested his head against the window, sighing wistfully.

In the reflection of the window he could see that Iwaizumi had fallen asleep. His head fell onto Kuroo’s shoulder. Kuroo’s own eyes were closed, but Oikawa didn’t think he was sleeping. From Oikawa’s acquaintance with him he found that Kuroo usually had trouble sleeping on moving vehicles.

A rush of envy swelled through Oikawa as he eyed the reflection in the window. He wanted to be Iwaizumi’s pillow. His brows knit together. It was an odd feeling, wishing for something he had let go of, that he had given up. Oikawa closed his eyes. It was pointless. _Why was he even thinking like this?_ He had moved on. Hadn’t he? A deep frown pulled at his lips as he deliberated.

He thought he had moved on, but. But if he was honest, Oikawa had simply chosen not to think about Iwaizumi. His feelings hadn’t actually changed at all and now that Iwaizumi was next to him, back in his life, however minimal it may be, Oikawa’s feelings were beginning to bubble back up to the surface. The sensible part of his mind urged him to run away, to deny these feelings. They were troublesome. But. Oikawa opened his eyes, staring at Iwaizumi’s reflection once more. A larger part of him wanted everything he could have with Iwaizumi.

No, he wanted _more_ than he could have.


	11. Just a Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing better than a meal after a game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, have some hopeless pining.

Oikawa flopped onto his bed. His bones had grown heavy after the long and trying game. It was too cumbersome to move his limbs even an inch. He stared up at the ceiling, a deep set frown adorning his face. They had lost. Losses were part of the game, _he knew that_, but that didn’t make it any easier. What could they do better? What could _he_ do better? Logically he knew they had done their best, but wasn’t there always room for improvement? There were some tosses that he definitely strained for. If he could just work on them, then surely...

He sighed and closed his eyes, turning over onto his side. His stomach rumbled loudly. Right. Food. He groaned, hiding his head in his pillow but his hunger was persistent. “Feh!” Resigned, Oikawa pushed himself up off the bed, glowering at the room at large.

Another sharp pang from his stomach reminded him that he needed to get moving. There was no time for wallowing. He grumbled, trudging back to the door to slip on his shoes. Once out in the hall Oikawa found that he wasn’t the only one left in the hotel. Iwaizumi had stepped out of a room a few doors down. He turned and nodded at Oikawa.

“Hey,” he said, “are you going to get something to eat?”

Oikawa nodded. “Yes, as much as I’d like to just sleep, my stomach insisted otherwise.”

Iwaizumi huffed out an amused breath. “Sounds about right,” he said, smiling crookedly. Oikawa stepped into stride with him as they headed toward the elevator. “Any ideas on what you want to eat?”

“Not really,” Oikawa said, “something quick I guess.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Just something to shut my stomach up mostly.” Oikawa tilted his head. “Is Iwa-chan planning to join me?”

“Oh,” Iwaizumi blinked, but he still wore that crooked smile. “Um, sure.”

Oikawa felt a rush butterflies flood to his stomach. Maybe something good could still come from the day. He shuffled a little closer to Iwaizumi. If he was a little braver, he might have moved until their shoulders were touching, but he wasn’t quite so bold yet. The concern of pushing his luck was ever present.

The elevator dinged as it came to its stop. “Shall we just go look for the nearest place?” Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi, who nodded.

They stepped out of the elevator, talking amicably as they headed out of the hotel. The heavy loss of their match that had shrouded Oikawa seemed to fade away the longer he spoke with Iwaizumi. Somehow, he’d made everything easier. Just being in Iwaizumi’s presence had chased away Oikawa’s urge to dwell. Thoughts on what he could do better drifted out of his mind, filled instead with mundane topics that could keep the conversation going.  
Despite his bones having grown leaden, Oikawa felt as though he was walking on air. He really wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings and was confused for a moment when Iwaizumi came to a stop. It seemed that the nearest place with food was a ramen shop. A wave of nostalgia washed over him at the sight.

It seemed that Iwaizumi had experienced something similar. Oikawa had forgotten how radiant Iwaizumi’s smile could be. Surely he was being submerged into pure bliss at the mere glimpse of it. With great restraint he kept himself from sighing wistfully.

They found their seats and put in their order. Their conversation remained unstilted until their food had arrived.

“U-um, so, the new Godzilla movie, you must be excited.”

Iwaizumi blinked, pausing around his bite of gyoza. He stared at Oikawa for a moment before his teeth sunk into the gyoza and he lowered his chopsticks. Dread filled Oikawa at once. Had he stepped on another landmine? Everything was going so well!

“I am excited, yeah,” Iwaizumi said slowly. He furrowed his brows.

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa said, compelled to smooth things over. “I just thought... I mean I know you love... well...”

Iwaizumi shook his head. “No, it’s not... it’s just... well. I remembered that I have a spare ticket that’s all.”

Oikawa frowned. “A spare? You mean you were going with someone?”

“I was, yeah.” Iwaizumi shrugged casually. “When I bought the tickets I was uh, kinda involved with someone... but well...” He ran a hand through his hair.

“O-oh,” Oikawa sunk back into his chair. A heavy pit settled into his stomach. It shouldn’t have bothered him. Of course Iwaizumi had dated other people. But. Oikawa really did not want to be reminded of it so plainly.

“Ah, you don’t need to look so remorseful,” Iwaizumi said, his voice slightly amused. “It wasn’t anything serious. I mean with being so busy and moving a lot, I’ve kept things pretty casual, but-” He shrugged again. “I just realised I need to find someone else to go with, that’s all.”

Oikawa nodded and grabbed his glass taking a large drink.

“I guess I’ll have to ask Kuroo.”

From Iwaizumi’s widened eyes, Oikawa had the suspicion he had been unable to keep the scowl off of his face. “Something wrong?”

“I just didn’t think Kuroo-chan liked that sort thing.”

“He doesn't,” Iwaizumi said. “Truthfully, he’s a complete volleyball idiot like you.” Oikawa made a noise of protest, though it was fruitless. There was no denying the truth in the statement. He pouted and crossed his arms in a huff. Iwaizumi just laughed. “Well, Kuroo’s pretty indulgent with his friends though so...”

_Friends_. How could Oikawa get back there? His chest clenched tightly. His longing growing more pronounced the more time he spent with Iwaizumi. It was getting dangerous and Oikawa was definitely being more reckless by the day.

Iwaizumi eyed him speculatively. “You do know you look like you’re plotting his murder don’t you?”

“H-hah?!”

Iwaizumi laughed, his amusement so clear and bright. Oikawa thought he was going to go blind. Once he had stopped laughing, he sighed, eyeing Oikawa again. He seemed guarded once more. His deliberation was written over his face.

“You really want the extra ticket,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“I... want to be your friend.”

There was a slight furrow between Iwaizumi’s brow. Their eyes remained locked together for what seemed like an eternity, but which was likely only a couple of seconds.

“I’ll think about it,” Iwaizumi said at last, serious and sincere as only he could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah sorry, it's a short chapter, but I have been having trouble finding time to write after starting my new job. I've had this mostly done for awhile honestly. I think the next chapters will come a little easier, plus some are already partially written too...

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter title comes from a song, which will generally set the mood for that chapter.


End file.
